


kill it with fire

by pRESENTMIC



Series: another hamilgroup chat [5]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Because comedy, Comedy, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Immature Men, Kill It With Fire, M/M, Memes, Texting, mucinex, references, there's a lot of lafayette/mulligan in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-13
Updated: 2016-11-13
Packaged: 2018-08-30 19:26:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8546125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pRESENTMIC/pseuds/pRESENTMIC
Summary: johnturd: i was one of the people who was hangedhambologna: but george washingtonhambologna: he's wearing hEELYS.





	

**hercyou:** i need a new president

 **laflaugh:** 2

 **hambologna:** america's ~~screwed~~ f-cked

 **johnturd:** he doesn't deserve a censor

 **angealous:** is canada still open?

 **elizzza:** the election ended 3 days ago

 **margarita:** exactly

 **mamaria:** we need to move

 **laflaugh:** the immigration site for canada is broken

 **hercyou:** wonderful.

 **hambologna:** crud i forgot about the party

 **angealous:** well the party is going to continue this conversation. scratch that. party's canceled

 **hambologna:** alright then

 **hambologna:** i miss bernie

 **hercyou:** the good days

 **margarita:** i already miss obama

 **angealous:** we all do, sweetheart.

 **macnyes:** this year couldn't get any better.

 **justmad:** tell me about

 **macnyes:** we're all doomed

 **justmad:** agreed.

 **hambologna:** i actually like what jefferson's saying for once

 **hercyou:** wow 

 **laflaugh:** ?

 **hercyou:** there's a riot going on at our street

 **hercyou:** it's a trump riot

 **laflaugh:** oH Y E S.

 **hercyou:** wanna join them?

 **laflaugh:** Y E S 

 **angealous:** i'm coming along

 **hercyou** : let's go

_hercyou has left "rant of the day"_

_angealous has left "rant of the day"_

_laflaugh has left "rant of the day"_

**johnturd:** lucky

 **hambologna:** i just realized that i really want to learn french

 **justmad:** i thought you were a lawyer? aren't you supposed to be super busy? with packed schedules and cases?

 **hambologna:** it's my break month

 **justmad:** oh dang

 **margarita:** oh shish whaddup

 **johnturd:** who came up with that??

 **margarita:** no one will ever know

 **hambologna:** because all the memes

 **hambologna:** oh my god. john

 **johnturd:** yeh

 **hambologna:** look out the window

 **johnturd:** oh my god

 **hambologna:** is that who i think it is??

 **johnturd:** it is

 **burro:** george washington.

 **hambologna:** how did yOU KNOW

 **burro:** If it was John Adams you'd already be starting a fight, and Thomas is always with James

 **johnturd:** WITCHCRAFT

 **burro:** Please don't go Salem on me

 **johnturd:** that was such a confusing part in history

 **hambologna:** i had a small salem witch trials phase when i was 19.

 **johnturd:** n o

 **hambologna:** i would make fake trials

 **hambologna:** and pretend to hang people

 **burro:** That's

 **johnturd:** i was one of the people who was hanged

 **hambologna:** but george washington

 **hambologna:** he's wearing hEELYS.

 **johnturd:** OH MY GOD YOU'RE RIGHT

 **burro:** Sweet Jesus

 **hambologna:** WHY IS HE WEARING HEELYS

 **johnturd:** the world is ending

 **hambologna:** i imagine death so much it feels more like a memory. is this where it gets me? washington, several stories beneath me.

 **burro:** why'd you get him started

 **hambologna:** i see him coming do i run, or resign, or let it be. there is no beat. no melody. george. my first boss my coworker. maybe the last face i get to see.

 **johnturd:** he did this after the election results

 **johnturd:** he changes the words according to the subject.

 **hambologna:** i SEE HERC AND LAF

 **johnturd:** wha?

 **hambologna:** they're protesting

 **hambologna:** DUDE LAF IS CARRYING HERC.

 **johnturd:** wAHT

 **hambologna:** LET ME TAKE A PICTURE

 **johnturd:** SEND IT

 **hambologna:** I TOOK SO MANY

 **hambologna:** _sent an image: romeoandlafayette.jpg_

 **angealous:** ALEX. I'M AT YOUR DOOR.

 **hambologna:** WHY ARE YOU HERE

 **angealous:** HELPME GET LAFAYETTE AND HERCULES INSIDE

 **hambologna:** WHY

 **angealous:** I THINK HERC IS DEAD

 **hambologna:** HOWOW

 **angealous:** LAF COMPLETELY KILL HIM IN FRONT OF A CROWD

 **hambologna:** WAH

 **angealous:** IT WAS AMAZING

 **angealous:** BUT NOW HE'S DEAD.

 **johnturd:** WHAT DID HE DO THAT WAS SO BAD

 **angealous:** LIKE HE LIKE LIKE PG 15

 **johnturd:** that's not even

 **johnturd:** OH

 **johnturd:** LAF THAT BASTARD

 **hambologna:** THAT'S WHY HE WAS CARRYING HIM

 **angealous:** C'MON C'MON LET US IN

 **hambologna:** rightrightright

 **hercyou:** LAF WHY

 **laflaugh:** it was worth it

 **hercyou:** PEOPLE PORABLY THINK I HAVE LIKE A TRUMP KINK OR SOMETHING

 **angealous** : "porably"

 **hercyou:** HERC OFF

 **laflaugh:** do you?

 **hercyou:** eW NO THAT IS THE BIGGEST TURN OFF FOR ME

 **hercyou:** DON'T EVER MENTION TRUMP DURING ONE OF OUR ESCAPADES

 **laflaugh:** ok

 **hercyou:** I AM SCARRED

 **laflaugh:** whaat

 **laflaugh:** mon ange

 **laflaugh:** i will make it up to you

 **angealous:** woAH

 **hercyou:** LAF PUT ME DOWNFRNAGGRGT

 **laflaugh:** I HAVE DISCOVERED A NEW THING

 **laflaugh:** WELL I ALREADY KNEW

 **laflaugh:** I WILL DO THIS EVERY TIME YOU DISAGREE WITH ME, MON ANGE

 **angealous:** and they're off

 **hambologna:** THE GUEST ROOM IS SOUNDPROOF

 **laflaugh:** THANK YOU

_laflaugh has left "rant of the day"_

_hercyou has left "rant of the day"_

**margarita:** well

 **johnturd:** imagine

 **johnturd:** trump daddy

 **hambologna:** WTF NO. EW GOD NO. 

 **johnturd:** what about washington~~~

 **hambologna:** I HAVE PERMISSION TO SUE YOU

 **johnturd:** crap you're right

 **hambologna:** john

 **johnturd:** yes?

 **hambologna:** did i hear

 **hambologna:** a cough?

 **johnturd:** it was probably herc

 **hambologna:** herc is occupied

 **hambologna:** and if he had coughed laf would be calling 911

 **johnturd:** don't make me

 **hambologna:** heRE COMES THE MUCINEX

 **johnturd:** NO NO NONONONO

 **hambologna:** REMEMBER LAST YEAR

 **hambologna:** YOU WERE COUGHING AND DIDN'T TAKE THE MEDICINE

 **hambologna:** AND YOU GOT BRONCHITIS

 **johnturd:** MUCINEX SUCKS

 **johnturd:** KILL IT WITH FIRE

 **angealous:** wow

 **elizzza:** wait john, do you have asthma?

 **hambologna:** HE DOES AND HE LOST HIS INHALER.

 **johnturd:** I HAVE MINOR ASTHMA

 **johnturd:** I'VE NEVER HAD AN ASTHMA ATTACK

 **hambologna:** BUT YOU'VE GOTTEN BRONCHITIS TWICE. AND PNEUMONIA.

 **johnturd:** NO GET THAT AWAY FROM ME

 **hambologna:** TOO BAD.

 **johnturd:** NOOAF SGNFAG

 **angealous:** should i call the cops

 **angealous:** i'm witnessing a murder.

 **laflaugh:** what'd i miss

 **angealous:** john's death, rip

 **hercyou:** was it the mucinex?

 **angealous:** yup

 **laflaugh:** what are you baking, angel?

 **angealous:** apple cake

 **johnturd:** wATER I NEED WATER WATERWATER

 **hambologna:** here

 **johnturd:** BLESS 

 **hamblogna:** does mucinex taste that bad

**johnturd:**

**hambologna:** UGH DON'T KISS ME FOR THE REST OF THE DAY GOD

 **johnturd:** you feel my pain

 **johnturd:** YOU FEEL THOSE 1O MILLILITERS OF PAIN

 **hambologna:** JESUS.

 **johnturd:** THAT'S RIGHT

 **johnturd:** WAIT DO 

 **johnturd:** I SMELL FOOD

 **laflaugh:** angelica is baking an apple cake

 **johnturd:** IS THERE LEFTOVER BATTER

 **angealous:** yup

 **johnturd:** PRAISE

 **hambologna:** sAVE SOME FOR ME JOHN

 **johnturd:** I GET THE BOWL YOU CAN HAVE THE WHISK AND THE SPOON

 **hambologna:** THAT'S FINE.

 **hercyou:** laf get me a cup of water

 **hercyou:** i'm so tired

 **hambologna:** ew i don't want to hear what you did

 **laflaugh:** well, mon ami, i

 **hercyou:** t h a t ' s  e n o u g h  f r o m  y o u

 **johnturd:** oh, dominant

 **laflaugh:** he's quite subby

 **hercyou:** THEY DON'T NEED TO KNOW THAT MUCH ABOUT ME LAF.

 **johnturd:** aw i'm hurt

 **hambologna:** we're your friends

 **hercyou:** a few messages ago you said you didn't want to hear about that stuff

 **hambologna:** sarcasm

 **hercyou:** i can't decipher sarcasm from serious on text messages

 **hambologna:** but you can with laf

 **hercyou:** of course i can

 **hercyou:** i'm in a relationship with him

 **angealous:** the cake is baking.

 **johnturd:** i hope i don't get salmonella

 **hambologna:** if madison can eat a bowl of batter without getting salmonella, then you - guaranteed - will not get it.

 **johnturd:** wise words from a wise boyfriend.

**Author's Note:**

> yes  
> i have gotten bronchitis twice and pneumonia once  
> yes  
> i do have asthma  
> yes mucinex TASTES TERRIBLE GOD KILL IT WITH FIRE


End file.
